No Body to Return To

© Jessica Alvarenga

diaspora is to miss someone you’ve never met; is to miss a place you’ve never visited. there’s a place in your gut where longing resides. it burrows itself in deeply and irritates the diaphragm. you miss a motherland, for she mothered you but you never were there to acknowledge her. you never visited, never called back.
in this same void is where dysphoria burns. the soma understands itself; its self as apart from a gender it was given. the body longs for an affirmation.
gender is a diaspora; a longing for a nation in one’s body. to miss a body you don’t have is to engender anxiety. it is a fragmented nation searching for itself only to find dystopia.
the gender diaspora searches for its homeland. to come back onto a somatic nation-state; to come back to its origins, unquestioned.
diaspora is heartbreak. the motherhood you thought would accept you back as its prodigal child can’t fully embrace you. daddy issues precipitate while on her bosom.
diaspora is heartbreak; when will your lover apologize?
gender is displacement. it pushes you to where you don’t belong, only to pull you back to where you can’t be loved.
gender and diaspora are tears; a brine. as the salt of the earth we are to embitter.


-Wilfredo Santamaria
(image: Jessica Alvarenga)

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